Insults

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
 

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”
He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or venereal disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
 

“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”  – Winston Churchill
 

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow
 

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time  reading it.” – Moses Hadas
 

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” –  Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.
 

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright
 

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing  trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in  others.” – Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand
 

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker
 

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on  it?” – Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” –  Mae West  
 

 

“Some  cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. ” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
 

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it..” –  Groucho Marx

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~ by parimalgandhi on 13/11/2009.

4 Responses to “Insults”

  1. Hello, I am not much of a ‘blogger'(if there is such a word), I have been receiving mails from Academy Learning Notes and out of curiosity wandered on to your blog, it also happens I know you from a long time ago(do not expect you to remember though)…coming to the point, I found this collection on insults very witty and ‘satisfying’, it leaves one wishing that at the right time, right place one would be ready with such arsenal for the right people…work of art!

  2. Mr Gandhi, I wish you a speedy recovery from the surgery and wish a very healty life ahead. I hope you are able to share your learings and thoughts with many more people in tranining sessions and inspire them to become very good human being and smart leaders.

    All the best.

    With regards,

    Rakesh Mistry

  3. hi

  4. Hello sir. It was a pleasure reading your blogs. Though I read it for the first time today. but couldn’t stop reading all of them whether the airways incidences or symond’s hooliganism and the rest. After reading Insults I am finding insults are just a mode of entertainment. People actually take insults to hearts and spoil their own lives and becomes a revenge taker or rather starts becoming serious & thinks of proving themselves. but instead it should be taken sportingly and ya do give the person back but not as revenge rather as a humorous way so that the rest can laugh & the real one gets his/her own lesson too :D. Its really great sir.

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